I am (mentally) Drowning

During brain rehab I started to notice differences in my mood. I can say, that I started healing from depression. The new pathways in my brain were working in a way that depression finally was losing its dominance in my body. I was so grateful. I however, felt more anxiety than I ever had before. I was feeling a constant surge of anxiety. It was very uncomfortable. I started clenching my teeth, having attention issues, losing my hair and becoming very tired by the time I crawled into bed. My brain was working over time. It got to the point that it was out of control and it was very difficult to enjoy life. I reached out to my brain doctor. He said that this was normal,as my brain didn’t know what to do, almost, when it had these new pathways. It made complete sense. So I had to start coming up with new habits and becoming consistent with them.

But first, my doctor wanted me to listen to a Ted Talk as well as read several books. I started with a book called “Real Love in marriage,” (and then later read “real love in parenting”.) this book dramatically changed my life.

One of the concepts that this book taught was what it looks like when someone is drowning emotionally and mentally.

He explained it with this analogy. Let’s say you are laying out in the sun at a pool and you start to get splashed. At first you realize that you are at a pool and a little splash wont hurt. But then you get a little annoyed when it continues. Then when it gets to be bigger splashed and much more often, you get angry. And then finally you get up and go find out what is causing you to get so wet. It turns out that it was someone drowning, splashing about, trying to stay above water. Your anger suddenly leaves and you become very compassionate and want to help.

Are you drowning in YOUR life?

Is there someone in your life drowning?

Do they get mad at you?

Do you get mad at them?

Here are signs that you or someone you come in contact with might be drowning:

They are impatient-easily and frequently

Easily and frequently agitated

Easy to and frequent to anger

Easily emotional

Is often critical of you or themselves

Sleeps a lot

Unmotivated

Easily annoyed

Doesn’t take care of their basic needs of hygiene

Stops eating or eats too much

Becomes extra quiet

Avoids hard topics

Becomes a harm to themselves or others

Seems to be extra happy and somewhat in-genuine. “Fake”

They talk a lot. More than usual.

They repeat the same thing over and over. (They may feel invalidated and want to he HEARD)

Judgemental (they have a need that is unmet- or is desiring what others have, including happiness)

Instead of reacting in anger towards this person that is drowning, find a way to love them. Loving someone even when they are drowning is REAL LOVE!

Here are a few ideas that might help:

Ask them how you can help.

Listen to them. Let them vent out all their feelings.

Validate their feelings, “ I notice that you seem sad, do you want to talk about it.”

Do not judge them.

Hug them if they will allow it.

Serve them.

The hardest one is, don’t take offense. This is not about you even though it might feel like it.

Talk less. Listen more.

Remember, you are never alone.

Reach out!

J