Magic mirror on the wall- also known as my husband

Jay Shetty said, “Your partner is like a mirror held in front of you.”

This has been the journey of my marriage, trying to see what my husband is showing me. (Without knowing it.) I wasn’t happy and I wanted to find out what was wrong.

Jay went on to say, “each person is exposed (in a marriage.)  Your partner knows everything about you, the good and the bad. Anyone you encounter might have something to teach you, but not everyone is your guru. Our best friends, and close family,  can’t help us learn these lessons because they can’t see us as completely as the person we love romantically. Being a guru for your partner, doesn’t mean importing wisdom to them, but it does require patience, understanding, curiosity, creativity, and self-control.”

“And living with another person‘s mind, heart, and energy, we grow through observing their behavior towards us.”

“If we choose a partner we can grow with, then they are always teaching us.”

In October we celebrated 19 years.

So I decided to make a list of 19 things that I have learned about myself by allowing to see myself through the “mirror” and use it to help me learn, grow and be happy.

1. When I get angry, there’s usually a deep sadness underneath it—and some very specific triggers that I have had to face over the years so I can heal and react differently.

2. I’ve learned the harm that people-pleasing has cost me. I learned when I am constantly doing what other people want me to do, I lose myself. It’s been my mission to find me again.

3. I am funny. (This matters.)

4. I am competitive in good ways and bad ways. This is a thing.

5. I very much value communication. I believe when done with understanding and patience, it can connect people at a very deep level.

6. I am systematic.

7. I am bluntly honest and don’t hold much back. (This is only with Nathan. He gets it ALLLL!  With EVERYONE else I hide parts of me. Don’t we all?)

8. I have more alpha/masculine traits than I want. This realization alone has probably produced at least a dozen other realizations. (Possibly a future post.)

9. Crying in front of my husband feels surprisingly good when I actually let myself do it. I just want to be tough all the time. (See #8)

10. I would get really anxious when found sitting, reading or napping. Truth is, it  was my own insecurities.

11. I believed I had to be perfect for him to love me or accept me. Turns out all that effort was unnecessary, I was already enough.

12. My learned my happiness is my responsibility.

13. I am not very nice to myself.

14. I am a great cook.

15. I am spontaneous and adventurous. (It’s basically like whiplash for him.)

16. Stress makes me controlling

17. I am very good at building walls when I need them.

18. I have little tolerance for people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

19. I have zero tolerance for stagnation. Let’s grow. Let’s live. Let’s be alive.

I know marriage is complicated. Everyone walks into it with different wounds, hopes and learning curves. I also know there are hard decisions to make to protect ourselves. This is my story. These are just a few things I have noticed and had an opportunity to grow from and am still learning from.

Marriage hasn’t just taught me about love and the sacredness of it,

It’s taught me how to finally see myself and love ME better too!