Afraid to be me

It was a miracle that I got into counseling with who I did. For someone that doesn’t trust most people with my emotional baggage, I needed to talk to someone professional to help me sort out my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I wanted to understand and I wanted to be listened to.

She was funny, relatable and ever so validating. She is one of my angels in my life.

Counselour/therapists/pchyologists are great mirrors. She showed me more about myself than anyone has ever done. (But she was also very gentle with the process) She saw my potential, she saw what hurt me the most, she saw the power I held, and she saw the places that I can improve in if I wanted to improve and have a different outcome.

I was changing. I was becoming aware. I was becoming me, my true self. I was letting Jenna come out.

One of the very important lessons I learned from her was that I have struggled with depression and anxiety because I am afraid to be me. For example:

-She taught me that I am honest and direct but that I stay hushed so that I don’t start confrontation or hurt feelings.

-She taught me that I am empathetic. I am sensitive and aware of people and their feelings. But that I often take on their emotions rather than just listen.

-She taught me that I am spiritual. But I don’t talk about it much because I feel shamed in my culture to be close to that side of me.

-She taught me that I am a people pleaser because not doing what someone wants me to do will hurt their feelings and then they will hate me.

-She taught me that I am a good communicator but that I need to be kind while doing it.

-She taught me that I am intelligent, but I feel embarrassed showing that side.

-She taught me that I have low self-esteem because I shame myself over and over. I tell myself that I will never measure up.

As I sat and shared all of these experiences and thoughts over 2 years. She was able to show me what I look like for real.

It takes courage to be myself. And it takes courage to be ok with who I am. It takes courage to see people leave my life that were once in it. The people who truly love me will stay.

I have learned that we grow and change and transform daily, monthly and yearly. Growth and change is good and its part of life. It’s required of life.

I share this to inspire you to be yourself. Pick out the qualities that you love about yourself or who you want to be and be courageous in being who you want to be. It can be easier said than done.

A simple way to start being yourself is to say, “yes” when you want to say “yes,” and “no” when you want to say “no.” Make and keep boundaries.

Be honest. Say what you need to say and express, and do it kindly.

And lastly, stay grateful everyday for all your blessings!

You are not alone

J❤️