depression

I never keep it a secret from my husband when I didn't want to be here anymore. I let him know when I felt this way.

I meant I wanted help.

When I willingly started sharing my feelings, I was actually calling for help. My husband did not know this. Most people don't

I wanted him to pay attention to the, "I feel miserable," comments.

When did this even start.

This isn't like me,

I didn't want to be fixed.

Just listened to.

Sharing my feelings is a natural reaction to how I am feeling inside. And there is no filter.

When I started sharing my feelings, it meant my insides were actually SCREAMING!

My soul new I wasn’t going anywhere.

But I still needed out of this dark,

darker than dark….

existence.

It was hopeless.

The depression.

How do I even begin to describe it?

It seems so twisted that I could be feeling this way inside, but then on the outside I could be laughing with my friends or be making dinner while listening to music.

I felt fake.

But nobody knows that. Or maybe they do.

I am strong.

I think my subconscious…. my soul…is fierce.

If my subconscious was done living as well as my conscious…

I’d be long gone.

I just keep going. I am doing those things that I need to do to take care of my family.

I never want to be a victim.

There is so much internal fight.

It takes so much strength.

I live for my kids.

Depression:

It’s negative.

It’s complaining.

It’s harmful.

It’s angry.

It’s the end.

Everything is pointless.

There are no good reasons for anything.

Nothing matters.

Nothing is fun.

Nothing is funny.

There is no hope.

There is nothing to hold onto.

There is no energy.

I don’t care.

Everyone hates me.

I’m invisible.

I’m forgotten.

I want to disappear.

I want to cuss out the world.

I want to disappear.

I want to start over.

Everyone bugs me.

I’m agitated.

I’m sad.

I’m lonely.

I’m irrational.

My mind doesn’t think about anything else except depression and feelings better.

Everyone is interrupting my thoughts.

I hate being interrupted.

Nothing matters.

I want to sleep. A lot!

I lose my appetite.

I’m demanding.

I’m drowning.

I’m overtaken.