When it hurts the most

It seems like most of us will go on enduring mental pain for many months and years. I know this happens, at least for me. I made a list of 5 reasons on why I endured so much pain for so long.

1. I didn't realize that there is an option to not feel pain.

Are you the type that thinks that life has always just been hard and you don’t know any different. That this is just the way it is? So you keep going. Cause thats life. It’s not easy or hard. You just don’t know the difference.

2. I think that it will get better soon.

Maybe you are the type that can definitely feel that life has gotten harder but you trust that with time things will get easier. But they don’t. And then you just deal with it because you truly think it’s going to get better soon and you realize you are in a hamster cage going around and around hoping for the better but it doesn’t get better but you are hoping it does.

3. I am prideful. I don’t want to ask for help.

I don’t ask for help from others. Meaning, I don’t call anyone up and ask for help. It might come in different forms though. Like, “do you want to go for a walk.” Or I sit and chat Nathan’s ear off. But it seems I silently endure. This is probably the most painful route to go.

4. No pain, no gain

I almost create more pain because I don’t know what to do when I am not feeling any pain. (Depression, stress, anxiety etc)

5. I am strong

This is when I realize that I AM strong, Like ok, I get it. But like enough is enough.

My body and soul can only take so much pain. My mental pain became physical pain. And thats when I knew that I couldn’t go on. My mind needed that signal. The stop sign. The “mercy” button. And when I got there I new. I feel like I had to push and push to get to this point. And if I didn’t reach this point I would still keep going to this day. My mind had to know at some point when to stop. And it had to be my body telling my mind when to stop.

Unfortunately this seems to be a pattern. We push til we fall.

Do you agree?